Im gonna use these 2 phares as my life's goal:
a) Im gonna eat girls for breakfast
b) Screw da old ones n fuck da new ones
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Birdcage
I can sing any Jap songs u throw to me, fast, slow, rock, techno, wateva. But tis song is special. The special condition to sing tis song requires extreme emoness n sadness. Right now, after 5mths I can actually sing tis song again. The title is Birdcage, performed originally by Gackt
hikari no naka de mita osanai kioku wa
kegareta kono boku ni wa ima mo toosugite
yami no naka, kimi no na o nando mo sakenda
owaranai toki no naka de kimi shika inakute
aganau koto sae dekizu ni boku o tojikomeru
inoru koto shika dekinakute...kanashimi wa ienai
ajisai no nureta ha no ichimai chigitta
mizutamari ni ukabete kimi o omoidasu
ameagari no yuugure ni kasuka ni kikoeta
tooku no fune no kitekinaze ka kanashikute
yurusarenai no nara subete ga kiereba
iikanashimi mo itami mo nani mo iranai sekai e
aganau koto sae dekizu ni boku o tojikomeru
inoru koto shika dekinakute...kanashimi wa ienai
yasashiku naita sora kara kikoeta kimi no koe mo
namida o ukabeta mama waratta boku ni wa mienai
hikari no naka de mita osanai kioku wa
oto no nai egao sae ima wa ureshikute
nido to modorenai
ano koro ni moboku-tachi wa waratteita
Translation
Inside of the light, I saw my youthful memories
They're still too far off for me, filthy as I am now
Inside of the darkness, I called your name over and over again
Inside of the endless time, there's no one there but you
I lock myself up, unable to even atone
I can't do anything but pray...my sadness is not cured
I tore off a single damp petal from a hydrangea
It floats in a puddle, and I remember you
In the evening just after the rain, I faintly heard the far off whistel of a ship
For some reason, it made me sad
If I can't be forgiven, then everything can disappear
The sadness and the pain, to the world that doesn't need anything
I lock myself up, unable to even atone
I can't do anything but pray...my sadness is not cured
From the gently crying sky, I also heard your voice
I laughed through gathering tears, but I couldn't see anything...
Inside of the light, I saw my youthful memories
Even the soundless smile is happy right now
I can't return to that time ever again
When we were laughing
hikari no naka de mita osanai kioku wa
kegareta kono boku ni wa ima mo toosugite
yami no naka, kimi no na o nando mo sakenda
owaranai toki no naka de kimi shika inakute
aganau koto sae dekizu ni boku o tojikomeru
inoru koto shika dekinakute...kanashimi wa ienai
ajisai no nureta ha no ichimai chigitta
mizutamari ni ukabete kimi o omoidasu
ameagari no yuugure ni kasuka ni kikoeta
tooku no fune no kitekinaze ka kanashikute
yurusarenai no nara subete ga kiereba
iikanashimi mo itami mo nani mo iranai sekai e
aganau koto sae dekizu ni boku o tojikomeru
inoru koto shika dekinakute...kanashimi wa ienai
yasashiku naita sora kara kikoeta kimi no koe mo
namida o ukabeta mama waratta boku ni wa mienai
hikari no naka de mita osanai kioku wa
oto no nai egao sae ima wa ureshikute
nido to modorenai
ano koro ni moboku-tachi wa waratteita
Translation
Inside of the light, I saw my youthful memories
They're still too far off for me, filthy as I am now
Inside of the darkness, I called your name over and over again
Inside of the endless time, there's no one there but you
I lock myself up, unable to even atone
I can't do anything but pray...my sadness is not cured
I tore off a single damp petal from a hydrangea
It floats in a puddle, and I remember you
In the evening just after the rain, I faintly heard the far off whistel of a ship
For some reason, it made me sad
If I can't be forgiven, then everything can disappear
The sadness and the pain, to the world that doesn't need anything
I lock myself up, unable to even atone
I can't do anything but pray...my sadness is not cured
From the gently crying sky, I also heard your voice
I laughed through gathering tears, but I couldn't see anything...
Inside of the light, I saw my youthful memories
Even the soundless smile is happy right now
I can't return to that time ever again
When we were laughing
Monday, September 22, 2008
Life n Death
I met up wit Jellybean today n v talked quite alot. She asked me 1question. Wats my purpose of living. It was simple. I ans, "I live to die". My ans is clearly indicated by da colors of my blog, red n black. The colors of death.
PS: Mayb I shud start takin TC's advice which is, I shud start eatin girls for breakfast
PS: Mayb I shud start takin TC's advice which is, I shud start eatin girls for breakfast
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Celebrity
Ever since I went back to uni, sumhow Im so goddam famous. Every1 noes who am I, every lecturer noes my name. Dr. Ton n Dr. Olivia saw me one day n was like, 'Ur Wai Hong rite? Pls meet me in my office ltr". Wow, a shadow has made emerged to light of truth. Even da bitches in uni cant stop lookin at me. Tiu, dun b jealous tat Im more handsome tat ur bf or future husbands (tats if u guys hv any). I hv no reason to lose the Mr. Monash title durin my graduation ball. Nice.. =.='. Things haven been goin well for me now. I hv missed my Phy test n accordin to Dr. Moore, I cant tk da test cz da deadline was durin my suspension. I dun even need to do any reports for tey will nt contribute any marks to my final exams. Niama cibai. Every1 has 100% assessment mine now all lower than 90%. Monash policy my lan la.. Wat da fark is tis cb?
I feel so dam disappointed now. After all da ups n downs me n her been thru, she still treated me as a fren. Wen I asked her does she noe hw much I sacrificied for u, all she said was 'So?". I was completely haertbroken. I have been cryin for a week n da days still keep count. She n YX were rite. Ppl like me dun deserved to be loved. I reli wanna go back to my cage. Nt bcz I regretted fallin in love wit her, bt I myself aso tired wen she said downgradin things bout me. She said I made her lose her frens and she said tat she hv to tink bfore she talks to me so tat I wont angry. She even said tat my frens are controllin themselves wen talkin to me so tat I wont angry. Mahai, u ask da 2 Kevins, Sesh n Gan. I hv noe Chan n Sesh for 2yrs plus. U ask them did I disrespect them bfore? U ask them haven I been cheerful n enjoy da times v Dota n pool. U ask TC n Gan, hv I shit wit them bfore anot? If tey reli tink Im disrespectful, np. I can live like a recluse n fuckin move away from u all. Hw does tat sound?
I seriously tink u n ur frens r fuckin retards n immature lo. Im bad myself bt who died to gv u da rite to shit wit me? I hv ppl scandalin my ass in uni n I aint doin anytin. Talk bout me shittin ur frens. I relli dun und hw u all tink. If u all wanna fuck wit me, come to my face, 1 by 1 n c hw I fuck u in da ass. I reli gv up on lovin n shud restart my 'hate ppl' scheme. Y love n loyal to one who doesnt do da same? I reli tot she was diff, bt she was jz da same. I was wrong. No matter hw supportive I was wen she had screw ups wit her ex, who fuckin appreciates? I cant talk to alot of ppl. Janice is bz excitin ppl in her med sch. Jelly is bz countin money in Sunway. Jin is bz wit his assgs. Ragu is bz flyin his planes for terrorism. I cant talk to any1 alot these days. Even if Gan was ere, he has alot to do.
Pls, I reli nid help ere. If sum1 out there is readin tis, pls help me. Who will truly und da things Im goin thru? My wrist cuttin isnt suicidal bt it will soon enuf...
I feel so dam disappointed now. After all da ups n downs me n her been thru, she still treated me as a fren. Wen I asked her does she noe hw much I sacrificied for u, all she said was 'So?". I was completely haertbroken. I have been cryin for a week n da days still keep count. She n YX were rite. Ppl like me dun deserved to be loved. I reli wanna go back to my cage. Nt bcz I regretted fallin in love wit her, bt I myself aso tired wen she said downgradin things bout me. She said I made her lose her frens and she said tat she hv to tink bfore she talks to me so tat I wont angry. She even said tat my frens are controllin themselves wen talkin to me so tat I wont angry. Mahai, u ask da 2 Kevins, Sesh n Gan. I hv noe Chan n Sesh for 2yrs plus. U ask them did I disrespect them bfore? U ask them haven I been cheerful n enjoy da times v Dota n pool. U ask TC n Gan, hv I shit wit them bfore anot? If tey reli tink Im disrespectful, np. I can live like a recluse n fuckin move away from u all. Hw does tat sound?
I seriously tink u n ur frens r fuckin retards n immature lo. Im bad myself bt who died to gv u da rite to shit wit me? I hv ppl scandalin my ass in uni n I aint doin anytin. Talk bout me shittin ur frens. I relli dun und hw u all tink. If u all wanna fuck wit me, come to my face, 1 by 1 n c hw I fuck u in da ass. I reli gv up on lovin n shud restart my 'hate ppl' scheme. Y love n loyal to one who doesnt do da same? I reli tot she was diff, bt she was jz da same. I was wrong. No matter hw supportive I was wen she had screw ups wit her ex, who fuckin appreciates? I cant talk to alot of ppl. Janice is bz excitin ppl in her med sch. Jelly is bz countin money in Sunway. Jin is bz wit his assgs. Ragu is bz flyin his planes for terrorism. I cant talk to any1 alot these days. Even if Gan was ere, he has alot to do.
Pls, I reli nid help ere. If sum1 out there is readin tis, pls help me. Who will truly und da things Im goin thru? My wrist cuttin isnt suicidal bt it will soon enuf...
Thursday, September 18, 2008
The Dark Age of My Life
Some may noe, some may not. I jz returned to uni today after a 2week suspension. I wont discuss da reasons bcz the chapter is finally closed. The reason I blog ere is to fill tis blog wit total sadness n sorrow. No happy posts will exist ere n if u dun like it, well my openin title says it all. FUCK OFF.. Alot of people seem surprised wen I returned to uni today.. Y? Wished I was dead? Too bad motherfuckers, Im still alive n hangin on. But to wat.. Wat am I holdin onto now? I hv become more lonely. Even both Kevins n Sesh greeted me, some sort like 'open arms' back into uni, somehow Im rather distant between them. Izit bcz I hv been away too long or is tis da consequence for not sharin my pain wit then? I dun wanna drag any1 else into my probs.
I was initally suspeneded for 1mth, bt I managed to come bak due to alot of positive responses from alot of people. Well, no matter hw much u all contributed, no1 can compared wit Prof. Pua (PP). Frankly speakin, Monash Aus was suppose to expel my ass bt PP put his career on da line n went thru hell load of hardships to save me. He was so confident in me tat he was willin to sacrifice his job for me. Wen I returned to uni today, I looked for him first. He was so glad so c me. I seeked his advice on hw to tackle my probs now. PP made me realize tat the untrue frens hv surfaced since tis incident. Im nt pointin fingers, so pls dun perasan til I say its u.
PP kept tellin me to let things settle down n keep my head down n study hard. I reli wanna study. Bt I dun hv da drive, not yet. It happened to me 2years ago wen I broke off wit my ex n she treated me like shit, I filled myself with hatred towards her n studied like mad. In da end, it worked. Rite now, I hv to hate sum1 else to survive. Finally, PP told me to study hard n asked me to aim to be da best student in my course. Before I left, he was in tears n hugged me, like hw a father hugged a son. He was a warrior n I was glad I met him. Things arent reli happenin for me. I had a bad breakdown again n Im about to lose myself.
I dunno wat else can i do anymore. Towards sum1, Im nth more than a fren. After wat v went thru, Im jz a fren to her. Im nt hopin for anytin else n has completely given up on da love of my current life. Rite now, Im jz gonna get my degree n leave tis country. My leave will be as secretive as possible only allowin close frens to send me off. They are Ragu, Tat, Jelly, Angel, Miss Ho n Jin... Oops I forgot, Susu aso ^^. Da day I board an airplane, is da day I wont return. I had enuf for da past 3years. I hv been sufferin continuosly n fendin off every single hardships bt Im tired. I wan a new life sumwhere far from ere. I wanna find wats da true meanin of lovin sum1. I was totally heartbroken yest wen she said bein wit me n carin for me is stressful whereby she has to tink wat to say. In my interpretation, she meant everytin was fake. I dunno wtf she meant bt tats da was I see it.
I gv up studyin Medicine cz of my xe n now I dun wanna gv up my dream to leave tis fuckin country bcz of my ex again. U hv ur future n I hv mine. Like u said, I aint tat important to u.. U hv so many frens to b with til the extent tat ur rdy to goin out anytime wit them bt me.. Pls.. I reli nid strength to hold on. Jz enuf for me to graduate. Im very tired. Rite now, Im back to sqaure one. Cryin every single moment while studyin, pretendin to b strong in front of every1 n secretly cryin under my pillows. Wen will tis end? I reli jz wanna cry it out n die after tat bt I cant. I zj cant. Pls... Sum1 help me..
I was initally suspeneded for 1mth, bt I managed to come bak due to alot of positive responses from alot of people. Well, no matter hw much u all contributed, no1 can compared wit Prof. Pua (PP). Frankly speakin, Monash Aus was suppose to expel my ass bt PP put his career on da line n went thru hell load of hardships to save me. He was so confident in me tat he was willin to sacrifice his job for me. Wen I returned to uni today, I looked for him first. He was so glad so c me. I seeked his advice on hw to tackle my probs now. PP made me realize tat the untrue frens hv surfaced since tis incident. Im nt pointin fingers, so pls dun perasan til I say its u.
PP kept tellin me to let things settle down n keep my head down n study hard. I reli wanna study. Bt I dun hv da drive, not yet. It happened to me 2years ago wen I broke off wit my ex n she treated me like shit, I filled myself with hatred towards her n studied like mad. In da end, it worked. Rite now, I hv to hate sum1 else to survive. Finally, PP told me to study hard n asked me to aim to be da best student in my course. Before I left, he was in tears n hugged me, like hw a father hugged a son. He was a warrior n I was glad I met him. Things arent reli happenin for me. I had a bad breakdown again n Im about to lose myself.
I dunno wat else can i do anymore. Towards sum1, Im nth more than a fren. After wat v went thru, Im jz a fren to her. Im nt hopin for anytin else n has completely given up on da love of my current life. Rite now, Im jz gonna get my degree n leave tis country. My leave will be as secretive as possible only allowin close frens to send me off. They are Ragu, Tat, Jelly, Angel, Miss Ho n Jin... Oops I forgot, Susu aso ^^. Da day I board an airplane, is da day I wont return. I had enuf for da past 3years. I hv been sufferin continuosly n fendin off every single hardships bt Im tired. I wan a new life sumwhere far from ere. I wanna find wats da true meanin of lovin sum1. I was totally heartbroken yest wen she said bein wit me n carin for me is stressful whereby she has to tink wat to say. In my interpretation, she meant everytin was fake. I dunno wtf she meant bt tats da was I see it.
I gv up studyin Medicine cz of my xe n now I dun wanna gv up my dream to leave tis fuckin country bcz of my ex again. U hv ur future n I hv mine. Like u said, I aint tat important to u.. U hv so many frens to b with til the extent tat ur rdy to goin out anytime wit them bt me.. Pls.. I reli nid strength to hold on. Jz enuf for me to graduate. Im very tired. Rite now, Im back to sqaure one. Cryin every single moment while studyin, pretendin to b strong in front of every1 n secretly cryin under my pillows. Wen will tis end? I reli jz wanna cry it out n die after tat bt I cant. I zj cant. Pls... Sum1 help me..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)