Some may noe, some may not. I jz returned to uni today after a 2week suspension. I wont discuss da reasons bcz the chapter is finally closed. The reason I blog ere is to fill tis blog wit total sadness n sorrow. No happy posts will exist ere n if u dun like it, well my openin title says it all. FUCK OFF.. Alot of people seem surprised wen I returned to uni today.. Y? Wished I was dead? Too bad motherfuckers, Im still alive n hangin on. But to wat.. Wat am I holdin onto now? I hv become more lonely. Even both Kevins n Sesh greeted me, some sort like 'open arms' back into uni, somehow Im rather distant between them. Izit bcz I hv been away too long or is tis da consequence for not sharin my pain wit then? I dun wanna drag any1 else into my probs.
I was initally suspeneded for 1mth, bt I managed to come bak due to alot of positive responses from alot of people. Well, no matter hw much u all contributed, no1 can compared wit Prof. Pua (PP). Frankly speakin, Monash Aus was suppose to expel my ass bt PP put his career on da line n went thru hell load of hardships to save me. He was so confident in me tat he was willin to sacrifice his job for me. Wen I returned to uni today, I looked for him first. He was so glad so c me. I seeked his advice on hw to tackle my probs now. PP made me realize tat the untrue frens hv surfaced since tis incident. Im nt pointin fingers, so pls dun perasan til I say its u.
PP kept tellin me to let things settle down n keep my head down n study hard. I reli wanna study. Bt I dun hv da drive, not yet. It happened to me 2years ago wen I broke off wit my ex n she treated me like shit, I filled myself with hatred towards her n studied like mad. In da end, it worked. Rite now, I hv to hate sum1 else to survive. Finally, PP told me to study hard n asked me to aim to be da best student in my course. Before I left, he was in tears n hugged me, like hw a father hugged a son. He was a warrior n I was glad I met him. Things arent reli happenin for me. I had a bad breakdown again n Im about to lose myself.
I dunno wat else can i do anymore. Towards sum1, Im nth more than a fren. After wat v went thru, Im jz a fren to her. Im nt hopin for anytin else n has completely given up on da love of my current life. Rite now, Im jz gonna get my degree n leave tis country. My leave will be as secretive as possible only allowin close frens to send me off. They are Ragu, Tat, Jelly, Angel, Miss Ho n Jin... Oops I forgot, Susu aso ^^. Da day I board an airplane, is da day I wont return. I had enuf for da past 3years. I hv been sufferin continuosly n fendin off every single hardships bt Im tired. I wan a new life sumwhere far from ere. I wanna find wats da true meanin of lovin sum1. I was totally heartbroken yest wen she said bein wit me n carin for me is stressful whereby she has to tink wat to say. In my interpretation, she meant everytin was fake. I dunno wtf she meant bt tats da was I see it.
I gv up studyin Medicine cz of my xe n now I dun wanna gv up my dream to leave tis fuckin country bcz of my ex again. U hv ur future n I hv mine. Like u said, I aint tat important to u.. U hv so many frens to b with til the extent tat ur rdy to goin out anytime wit them bt me.. Pls.. I reli nid strength to hold on. Jz enuf for me to graduate. Im very tired. Rite now, Im back to sqaure one. Cryin every single moment while studyin, pretendin to b strong in front of every1 n secretly cryin under my pillows. Wen will tis end? I reli jz wanna cry it out n die after tat bt I cant. I zj cant. Pls... Sum1 help me..
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