Present Days

Exams are comin in a matter of days, n I mz say Im slackin behind. Alot of things are goin thru my head now. I jz dunno wat to do. Jz tat these few weeks I hv been very down n noody. A feelin I haven felt for years. N guess wat, Im smokin like hell n da worse part was I had trouble breathin n had chest pains. Who cares la cz I reli feel like dyin. I feel so dam worthless u noe. I nvr knew helpin n supportin ppl can be so dam tough. Mayb Jas was rite, v oni support ppl whom are nice to u. I guess ur nt in da list.

Last week wen I was drivin around my neighbourhood, I drove past places me n her spent time together. I admit I do miss da old times n tears wud start flowin down. Rite now I feel reli dumbfounded. I cant bear wit these feelings anymore. Mayb Jas was rite again, I shud be my old self again, jz a little nicer. Sum ppl may noe hw long it took me to seal my old self. To be specific, 2years. I managed to seal it bcz of her. I changed so much better bcz of her. She saved my life bt rite noe, she's reli pushin me off a cliff. I reli dun wanna pull my old self out again cz I cant turn back.

Rite now, Im reli contemplatin of leavin Monash. Bout my destination, I haven decided yet. Mayb IMU, UK, USW or UWA. Decisions are easy to make bt credit transfers are more tedious than I thought. Act, I reli dun wanna live in M'sia anymore. Mayb after tis sem, I leave either Aus, again UK or mayb Czech Republic. I hv said tis bfore n I'll say it again. I wont let any1 noe where Im goin, nt even Janice, Jelly, Jas or Ragu, even Jin. This time I reli plan to disappear from da world I used to live in n move on to sumwhere. Mayb tats best.

Rite now, da most important thing is past da cb exams n enjoy my clinical attachment. I'll fuckin work hard for it n obtain near-perfect assessments to maintain my reputation. N Im pretty sure it will help me in da future. Dun b surprised if I dun blog for 3-4mths.